Benzo Jones

Officially Unofficial

2009-02-23T09:12:00.000-08:00

I am setting this blog aside. I have actually decided to do something just a tad more spectacular in another location and will post details when appropriate.

Keep you eyes open, it will be fun!

Nothing like Dog on Duck action to close out a Saturday Night

2008-11-22T22:37:00.000-08:00

Name 3 things...

2008-11-21T06:52:00.000-08:00

You don't want to see being made.

1. Sausages
2. Laws
3. Sarah Palin Interviews in front of Turkey Slaughters.

Strike a pose... no juxtapose.

Is it just me....

2008-11-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

...or does anyone else think that they should have chosen a different picture...

Ladies Join Free.... NOT!

2008-11-07T05:20:00.000-08:00

In Las Vegas, we have a new controversy of Epic proportions.

A man has filed a discrimination suit against a health club for their "Ladies Join Free" promotion. Today the controversy comes up against the Equal Rights Commission. I find this impossibly frivolous. It is a shame that this self-aggrandizing fella decided to take on something as innocuous as "Ladies Join Free" when a real issue such as Prop 8 in California could have really used his help.

I expect that we can see all the other hours of the day file suit against "Happy Hour".

A friend of mine lamented that California really wasn't all that progressive because even though they elected a Black President, they could not muscle through Proposition 8. To me it seems like two completely different issues. To some, and apparently most in Cali, a Black man as President is far less threatening than a married gay couple. Read that last sentence one more time... OK read it again. Absurd.

How far have we really come? There are still causes worth fighting for, and while we all bask in the post Obama glow, if the promise is to be fully realized, everyone needs to dump their prejudices. We need to get rid of our prejudices against gays, lesbians, cat lovers, gun owners, abortion clinics, abortion clinic bombers, right wing zealots, left wing tree huggers, smelly people, ignorant rednecks, atheists, lutherans, bible thumpin' faith healers, and deep sea fishermen.

Today, I will find me a right-wing gun totin' cat lover and give them a hug. If something bad happens, blame the guy suing the gym.

Penguin MAN!

2008-11-06T20:09:00.000-08:00

Ok, now that the election is over I can get back to the funny stuff in life.

I love this announcer.

Thoughts on Change

2008-11-05T06:51:00.000-08:00

There was a lot of emotion in the Jones household last night. Even Chloe cried, but I think that was more related to a poopy diaper. When I was a kid, I didn't think this was possible, and is a tribute to the American public that it has happened.

Now there is work to do.

If you want to know why Obama won Nevada, just look at me. I am a Registered non-partisan. The Obama campaign got to me early and often. Yesterday, the Obama campaign sent me 6 text messages reminding me to vote and to get out the vote. Do you know how many times the McCain campaign reached out to this non-partisan voter. Zero. Anyone who thinks Obama would not be a good President needs only to look at how he organized this Presidential campaign. Impressive, very impressive.

It is my hope that there are a couple of lasting effects from this Election Cycle.

I hope that the negative campaign crap is retired. If McCain would have ran on the issues, it probably would have been a lot closer. Just ask Jon Porter how that worked out for him.
I hope people realize Joe the Plumber and Sarah Palin are not beacons of "great thinking", and that they are retired.
I hope Obama lives up to the promise, and restores the worldwide dignity to this country. From my overseas friends, it seems last nights results already have done some restorin'.
I hope that the word Maverick hasn't been permanently torched.
I hope that I never lose this newfound passion for what can be right, and what will be right.

After thinking about it for a while, I understand why I identified with Obama on such a deep level. He is of my generation. He's only a couple of years older than me, and he carries much of the same beliefs... religion excluded. He could be me. Of course he made good decisions, me... not so much. It is stunning, and it gives me a profound sense of responsibility. In the back of my head I hear this voice, "Great work kid, don't get cocky".

It's showtime.

Why I Voted

2008-11-02T17:38:00.000-08:00

Such a simple word, why.

While there isn't a real necessity to do this, I feel a desire to do it.

Why?

Because eloquence is sorely missing in this world.
Because a plan is better than no plan.
Because positivity is far more powerful than negativity.
Because the tax code is grotesquely unfair. I want to pay less taxes. If I make more money, I expect to pay more taxes. If you want to call it redistribution of wealth, that's OK with me.
Because war sucks, and I don't want to see Chloe in any type of uniform other than a cheerleader , or band outfit.
Because if you talk to people you might actually get something done.
Because the rest of the world thinks it's a good idea.
Because I'm getting older, and more than half of my life has seen a Bush or a Clinton in the White House. Can we let another family run this show for a while?
Because several times over the last few years I've said "Goddamn America"... and "Goddamn Patriots", and "Goddamn Dodgers". Does that make me any less of an American, Patriots, or Dodger fan?
Because it's the conclusion of a civil rights circle that needs to be closed.
Because a woman should always have a right to do whatever she wants and get paid equally for it. It's also her body, and should be able to choose what she wants to do, and that includes getting obscenely large implants... among other things.
Because Chloe should get an opportunity to receive a great education.
Because Basketball is way cooler than Hockey.
Because creating "Green" jobs is a good idea. Someone told me recently that America doesn't "make anything" anymore. It's true, and maybe making "green" things is the solution. Certainly drilling for oil is a dead end, and any intelligent person can see that.
Because lobbyists are bad.
Because I really don't give a damn what William Ayers did. That period of time was a lot more different than today, and calling him a domestic terrorist and letting modern day abortion clinic bombers off the terrorist hook is complete and total hypocritical bullshit.
Because Colin Powell is a cool dude that got screwed. I trust him more than Joe the Plumber.
Because we shouldn't be in Iraq, and we have wasted far too much money, life, and energy. If someone can give me a good reason why, I will listen.
Because Osama Bin Laden is getting a tan, and that sucks.
Because Social Security should not be privatized.
Because while religion has a place in this world, it doesn't necessarily have a place in politics. It is far too polarizing and clouds intelligence.
Because debt is bad.
Because technology is good, and access to the internet should not be only for those that can afford it.

In my mind, the world can be a better place. I really HOPE it can be a better place. I see such a clear correlation in what I believe in, and what Obama believes. I didn't see that in Kerry. I don't see that in McCain.

Many (too many) of my friends are Republicans, and I respect their choice. I can even understand how people can make a case for McCain. I once respected the guy, but the negativity that permeates this effort is pretty sickening. The fact of the matter is that after you make that case for McCain, then you have another case to make for Palin. That's a lot of case makin'.

Palin is a dunce. She should not be anywhere near a button that makes things go boom. I guess I should be respectful, but she really has not given me any evidence that she is nothing more than a vapid shell of a human, and not a very nice one to boot. She belongs on "The View" and not in the White House.

That's my case. I've already voted. I hope, and I know I'm not alone.

The Sarah Palin Driving Experience!

2008-10-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

Interesting Presidential Statistic

2008-10-24T07:43:00.000-07:00

This stat absolutely blew my mind.

No Republican has been elected as President of the US without a Bush or Nixon on the Ticket since 1928.

Hoover – R – 29-33

Roosevelt – D – 33-45

Truman – D – 45-53

Ike – R -– 53-61 (VP Nixon)

Kennedy – D – 61-63

Johnson – D – 63 – 69

Nixon – R - 69-74

Ford – R – 74-77 (not elected)

Carter – D – 77-81

Reagan – R– 89-93 (VP Bush)

Bush I – R – 89-93

Clinton – 93-01

Bush II – 01-09

Makes me feel much better about the upcoming election. Although you could make... eh, I won't go there.

Negative Campaigning

2008-10-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don't live in a swing state, it's likely you don't get to experience the wonder of the negative mailers. Unfortunately, I do get to experience it. Most of the time they go right to my recycling bin, but I thought I might share with you what John McCain and the Nevadan Republican Party is trying to pass off.

Notice how they don't attribute the quote to Ayers, but they conveniently put a picture of Obama next to it.

Will someone please explain to me that if Ayers is such "terrorist" why he is running free, and.... oh yea... that's right, we don't catch our terrorists... we can't even catch the other terrorists.

Maybe he is who I think he is, which is a POSITIVE force for change. By the way, I read about the Chicago Annenborg Challenge , and it hardly seems like a terrorist organization to me. It seemed like a noble effort to reform education... by mavericks.

How much denouncing does a man need to do before he has denounced enough?

Mr. McCain and Nevada Republican committee, I have already voted. I voted for "that one". Please save the paper and don't send me any more fear mongering lies. We've already had too many Presidents who lie and scare their way through their terms. I prefer to have one that is going to be a straight shooter and discuss issues. Mr. McCain, that is not you.

ode to failed construction

2008-10-18T07:05:00.001-07:00

There are more squashed misplaced cones on the streets near my house than ones that actually direct traffic.

New form of Crabs?

2008-10-12T13:07:00.000-07:00

I've heard of having Crabs before, but this is a completely new take on a good old fashioned STD.

Mail Goggles

2008-10-07T09:01:00.001-07:00

So Google has decided to add a new feature to g-mail that will supposedly stop you from sending stupid emails to people at times you shouldn't be sending stupid emails.

Fact is, I know some people who should be using this 24/7.

A Bad Mutha....

2008-10-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

Certain things remain cool no matter what context you put them in... Shaft is one of those things

Elmo is a PIMP!

2008-09-29T06:39:00.000-07:00

After watching "Elmo in Peter and the Wolf" about 30 times over the last week... I gotta say, this really made me laugh.

Your Next President

2008-09-27T16:53:00.000-07:00

MSNBC has failed with spellcheck, probably a microsnuff product... 2nd paragraph... I really got scared there was a new candidate.

The Spector of the Economy

2008-09-26T08:37:00.000-07:00

This shit blows.

For a long while we were scooting along and doing fairly well. But now people just seemed scared to pull the trigger. We still get leads, but it's just getting damn harder to convert them into paying customers.

I am glad I'm out of the Las Vegas tourista business, which really seems to be getting the crap beaten out of it. In a moment of Brilliant irony, the Lion King show will be taking over for Mamma Mia. My suggestion.... use live Lions. Will they ever learn?

I've been following the political posturing and bailout plan. The fact is, there is little that will help me or my family in this bailout, and I would hate to see some CEO cash out a gazillion bucks. I even wrote a letter to Harry Reid and told him to get his act together and not screw this up. Fact is... the money we are spending to fix this mess is the same as what we spent in Iraq, and at the very least the bailout may supply some return. Iraq... not so much.

Still it is hard to focus while this happens next door to me.

Casa De Jones is the one with the pretty bricks NEXT DOOR to the Foreclosure... yes those are my recycling bins. yes we have a fire hydrant in front of our crib. No I haven't turned it on to see if little kids would come from all over and splash, splash, splash.

For those of you that have never seen a Foreclosed Home up close they hang yellow signs everywhere. These signs instruct people to NOT enter the premises and steal Washers and Dryers. They hang the signs in such close proximity and at different heights so that short and tall people can understand that stealing appliances from vacated homes is BAD.

I hope we get good neighbors, but something tells me it'll be bought up by an investor and occupied by renters.

We did not know the folks that lived there... they were Russian, smoked a lot, and only landscaped half of their backyard. Maybe that's a Russian thing.. I don't know.

Now while all of this sounds wonderfully depressing, here is my favorite found statement on the economy.

This Landscaping Business decided it was over and dumped the mowers in the street.

The only silver lining in the world is that Palin is starting to be exposed. I'm sure she is a pretty nice lady, but just the slight notion that she could be our President scares the poop out of me. It scares me more than the "fact" that Russia is sending spy planes over Alaska. Wake me when they start shooting Moose with drone missles.

When her campaign fails (yes I said "her" campaign... McCain checked out this week), I know a Landscaping business she can take over.

Epic Bad Part Deux

2008-09-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

Follow the link.

http://www.theway.org/Current/Mar07/Mar07Flash4.htm

I always thought Splash was the last bastion of pop locking. NO! It's the church.

Thanks to Victoria for the link.

Repower... I like the way that sounds

2008-09-17T17:35:00.002-07:00

Science Fair!

2008-09-17T17:35:00.001-07:00

41 Hilarious Science Fair Experiments

Doing My Part!

2008-09-15T07:18:00.000-07:00

Palin is the new Dan Quale. Love that line.

Hey I can see Airplanes from my house, does that mean I can be a Pilot.

I'm voting republican

2008-09-13T13:48:00.001-07:00

EPIC BAD!

2008-09-11T19:41:00.001-07:00

glumbert - Jesus Is My Friend

maybe... just maybe, it has something to do with those drinking games.....

2008-08-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

That's Right 7 Houses...

2008-08-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

What the hell do you do with 7 houses!

Phelps to replace Shamu!

2008-08-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

Michael Phelps will be replacing the popular Shamu show in Seaworld San Diego.

The Official Statement from Seaworld states:

Michael Phelps will replace Shamu, with a new show entitled "Believe! There is gold in the air". Shamu will be released to the sea to live out the rest of his/her days eating baby seals.

It is believed that Phelps will take over the living quarters of Shamu located near the Shamu Stadium. Seaworld officials intend to "pimp" the pool to reflect Phelps fly style. His Mom will reside in the nearby Dolphin pool, until a more permanent pen can be built.

"We will not save money on food," said Seaworld spokesman Jess Turgeon. "We will be starting a breeding program. Our hope is that in 17 months we will have many little Phelps' splashing in joy amongst the overpaying tourists."

There is no word as to if they will teach Phelps any of Shamu's former tricks such as; "trainer on my nose", "scratch my belly", "splash the crowd", "waving", and my favorite "eat the trainer".

HSMII

2008-08-18T21:24:00.001-07:00

This may be a very good reason why I fear being a dad of a teenage girl.

Bigfoot in a Freezer, I know, I know.... it's serious

2008-08-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

Something very bad is about to happen, you can see the signs everywhere:

This whole Russia/Georgia thing smacks of USA/Iraq Part Deux. I really want to debate someone on this point, but only over beers. Can we move on to fixing our own country for a little while?
Bigfoot Died. This may be just the inspiration Phelps needs to win the 8th medal.
Chupacabra has been videotaped. Good to know the Texas police are protecting the border from goat sucking hairless coyotes.
Julia Child was a spy.
Las Vegas blew up the Frontier a little hotel with a ton of character to build the Plaza. Now they ran out of money... Eloise will be stripping soon.
Jay-Z is selling his 40/40 club to Sheldon Adelson. I knew Sheldon was Republican, but didn't know he was Gangsta.
Harry Potter's new movie is being delayed until July 2009. At some point will the girl become too girly to play a teenager?
My Dodgers have won 5 in a row against good teams.

All the signs are there... be afraid, be very afraid.

Welcome to McCarran International Airport!

2008-08-15T10:55:00.001-07:00

It's too bad the water fountain is Out of Orber

Mraz you bastard!

2008-08-04T06:36:00.000-07:00

It seems like every summer an album sneaks into my consciousness. This year the new Jason Mraz has been the go to album. It's the best Michael Jackson-Tower of Power-Kenny Rankin album ever recorded. It's called We, Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things.

Case:

This is the opening track "Make it Mine" - I'm geeking out on the horns. DUDE - a trombone solo.... even Diddy don't do that.

Lucky w/Colbie Caillat - Probably the most perfect pop song I've heard in a really really long time.

Butterfly - A bizarre ode to a stripper tattoo... I think. If Michael Jackson wanted to be relevant again... this is what he would do.

This is another song to really get your horn geek on.

...and the rest of the album is just as good. Go buy it and drive around for the rest of summer listening to it. You can thank me later.

The most compelling evidence for a God I have ever seen...

2008-07-21T19:27:00.000-07:00

Kanga-roooooooooooooo

2008-07-12T18:08:00.001-07:00

Kuroda Mania

2008-07-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

So... I'm a Dodger fan, and on a whim, I bought the url for the new Dodger Pitcher Hiroki Kuroda Kurodamania

Up until about 2 days ago it was pretty much a waste of time, but on Monday the guy almost pitched a perfect game. I updated the Flash movie on the site and BOOM! Lots of traffic, lots of love, and I even made $.23 off the ads I dropped on the site.

WOOT!

This interweb thing is kinda cool.

Treat Pain LV

2008-07-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

We launched a new groovy feng shui web site for a local Pain Management Doctor.

Check it out.

Mini-Me Sex Tape Reviewed!

2008-06-30T07:12:00.000-07:00

This is what I would describe as taking one for the team. I watched the Verne Troyer (mini-me) sex tape, so you don't have to. Here is my review:

It's short.
The plot is small on details.
It's a wee bit entertaining.
Rather dinky in the third act.
Lilliputian in nature.
Meager casting.

I give it one pocket sized star.

Happy Fathers Day

2008-06-15T08:56:00.001-07:00

On Friday I got to go to Chloe's School for Pizza, Beer (root), and Donuts. I was presented with the following treasures.

A Rose

And a Card....

And a sweet girl with donut-ty goodness all over her face.

Being a Dad is pretty cool.

All Political ads should be this concise

2008-06-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

All Rollercoasters should be like this

2008-06-04T14:50:00.000-07:00

An oldie but a goodie....

2008-06-02T22:23:00.000-07:00

around 1:20 of this vid magic happens

2008-05-31T05:55:00.000-07:00

As doug henning would say...its an illusion

2008-05-22T20:04:00.001-07:00

10 Optical Illusions in One Video - Watch more free videos

I now know what Harrison Ford feels like....

2008-05-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

I spent the good part of yesterday shooting a model in front of a green screen for a medical presentation. In all my experiences, I've never done that before.

Medical jargon is not uttered easily by attractive models, and 6 hours in a green "room" will definitely give you a headache to remember. I went to Arby's afterwards, and I really wanted one of those Green Shakes.

My favorite part was when she had to emote to the tennis balls that I was holding. The tennis balls were a stand-in for the giant "stethoscope of death". The evil monster terrorizes small midwestern towns that can only be protected by Indian doctors.

Fear mongering... maybe. Great presentation... yes.

Ok... I'll write... I'm gassy.

2008-05-15T07:23:00.000-07:00

It was about 2 years ago when I got really serious about buying a Prius. Gas prices were pushing the $3 mark, Bush was still President, Arabs still hated Americans, and filling up the Envoy on a monthly basis was about equal to the Car Payment.

In October of 2006, around the same time as the birth of our baby, we birthed a Prius as well. Shortly after buying the Prius gas prices dropped to around $2, and I was feeling like a schmo. A schmo, but an environmentally friendly schmo... but we kept the Envoy.

Thankfully, the Bushian policies of idiocy have returned my purchase to "brilliant" status, and I have nothing to complain about. We still have the Envoy and filling that with fuel has gone from a car payment to a mortgage payment.

So why do I write about the Prius? I'm not trying to gloat, and beat people over the head with my "Al Gorian"-stick of environmentalism. The news today was littered with stories about how the price of gas will hit $4 over the upcoming Memorial Weekend. I can sympathize with the gas guzzlers of the world. My recent fill-up for the Prius was a $30 tab. Of course that 3 weeks worth of gas... but STILL. That was the first time I even broke the $30 barrier filling up the Prius, and that's ticking me off.

There was a quote in the local paper today that stated -

"Like it or not, this is still a fossil fuel-based economy, and yet, we do not go ahead and take that low-hanging fruit. We do not exploit all our domestic supply of crude. That's not going to happen, and the market knows that's not going to happen, so it keeps bidding that into prices."

It made me question my belief that Environmental issues are the most important of my age. For a brief moment, my brain actually thought "if you can't beat them join them". Granted this was before my second cup of coffee, but it seemed like a perfectly logical argument. After the second cup of coffee the brain got realistic.

Yes, we are a fossil fuel-based economy, but suggesting that we need to stay that way is the problem. The trickle down effect of higher fuel prices is what has created our current economic problem... not the housing mess. The higher cost of fuel makes everything cost more including the items that drive the cost of a house.

As much as I'd like to blame Bush for everything, you can't. Years ago, someone should have anticipated that our "fossil-fuel based economy" was not sustainable, and that our reliance on foreign oil should push us in the direction of alternate fuel sources. Unfortunately, a lot of time has been wasted looking for alternative sources of the same fuel. I equate the struggle with hitting oneself over the head with a different colored stick.

Imagine the Industrial Revolution this country would have if just a small percentage of the industrial force was committed to creating, implementing, and selling sensible battery powered cars. Drive by any car lot, and you'll realize this will not be the case anytime soon.

It seems like a pretty obvious solution to me.

I bought a Prius. I got a Federal Tax Credit (that you can't get anymore) for doing so, but I will not stand for paying $40 a month for a tank of Gas... Tito Puente Dammit.

It's not often I win things

2008-05-11T09:02:00.000-07:00

It's not often I win things, but this is a MAJOR AWARD... fragile stamped on the side and everything.

Here it is.

... and funny to exactly the limited audience I normally play too, except this time in the sports world.

I don't speak german

2008-05-08T06:30:00.000-07:00

But I do speak dude.

Cool until the end

2008-04-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

Some things are cool until the end.

Wonder what the stage smelled like

2008-04-25T19:44:00.001-07:00

Yep

2008-04-25T06:32:00.000-07:00

Benny Lava! Or how MJJ may have a career in Bollywood

2008-04-24T07:11:00.000-07:00

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Sidney Green Street's Health Care American Flag Pin

2008-04-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

A man's trash can be violated, but not his recycling. If someone wants to piece together my shredded papers amongst the poopy diaper bags, more power to them. But my recycling serves a greater purpose.

My healthy vitamin-packed Diet Coke cans need to go to a Recycling plant, where they can become a lightweight wing for the next generation of energy efficient aircraft... or at least a Schlitz can.

It's been a strange week for us as well. Cute little Chloe got Pnuemonia, and is taking meds and breathing treatments. It was a beautiful night in the emergency room... did I mention how much I HATE health care. It's fine once they start "caring", but we waited for 2 hours in the emergency room before we saw a doctor with our baby WHO COULDN'T BREATHE.

Not to make my kids sickness political, but THAT (health care, or the lack therof) is way more important to me than weather or not Barrack wears an American Flag pin.

This political season that originally inspired me is now just eating away at my sense of dignity. It's not that I had a bunch of dignity to begin with... but what I did have has just left the building.

I hope I can be inspired again, but at this point its not looking positive. Hell, I might even turn to Religion and Guns for inspiration pretty soon... as soon as I catch the recycling thief.

Dick Cheney's Evil Sunglasses

2008-04-12T08:37:00.001-07:00

By now if you haven't heard there is a picture of Dick Cheney floating around the interweb that has a image of a reflection of a naked woman in his suglasses. See above.

It made me wonder what other evil things might have been reflected in the spectacles of the evil Dick Cheney.

And then this!

Kuroda Mania!

2008-04-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

It's time for Kuroda Mania!

I make a good spaghetti sauce too!

2008-04-03T13:37:00.001-07:00

NFSW - it's got bad words

Magician Stache VI - The Return of the Caterpillar

2008-04-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

Showgirls of Magic

Murray the Magician!

Dirk Arthur!

The Amazing Jonathan!

Penn and Teller!

Criss Angel!

I'm out of Magicians.

Forget the cowbell... give me MORE Magician Stache!

2008-04-02T10:23:00.000-07:00

David Copperfield!

Lance Burton!

The Other Burton - Nathan Burton!

What if other Las Vegas Magicians....

2008-04-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

What if other Las Vegas Magicians had a mustache like the Merlin award winner Steve Dacri

He's the one on the right... with the stache.

How about Mac King -

... or Steve Wyrick maybe?

... Melinda the First Lady of Magic?

....Early Sigfried and Roy?

... Later S and R

I need to get me a mankini for my Florida trip....

2008-04-01T07:21:00.000-07:00

Poof!

Dodgers!

2008-03-31T18:04:00.000-07:00

So, it's time for Baseball. I'm ready for my Dodgers to make some noise. It's been WAY too long since Kirk Gibson created the moment that "would be played a trillion" times.

This could be our year. We got a good coach from NYY. We got a good outfielder from Atlanta named Jones! We got one of those Japanese pitchers!

I'm happy as a pig in slop.

Verizon Customer Service (?)

2008-03-21T10:15:00.001-07:00

Lately, I have expanded the array of offerings we utilize from Verizon. Mostly for business reasons, it became a necessity.

In the last 2 weeks, a good percentage of my time has been spent trying to get a couple of wireless usb dongles to work properly. They don't get near the speed advertised. I had to BEG for them to send me a new one, even after they admitted the one I had was defective.

Frankly, I feel as though that horn-rimmed "can you hear me now" guy and his network have been following me around and pummelling me with old shoe cell phones. I actually had one of their Customer Service morons tell me the @ sign was an "a" with a squiggly line around it, and this was after I explained to him the concept of static IP addresses.

As a customer (loyal) for over 15 years, I expect to be treated better. It is incredibly pathetic. I should invoice them for their time. THEN, to top it off, on the new phone I purchased, they lost my upc on the rebate i sent in. Their response - "Sorry... nothing we can do about it."

Someone should take the entire network and shove it up the "can you hear me" guys ass... including the helicopter. I wonder if he knows what a tilde is?

A day Late

2008-03-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

I remember when we used to make Super8 movies

2008-03-15T10:07:00.001-07:00

This is a test

2008-03-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

Awareness Test - Watch more free videos

Disneyland!

2008-03-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been out of the fold for a couple of weeks, but we decided to take the Boo to Disneyland to meet Mickey Mouse, Goofy, et ux.

Aside from a freakishly bad massage at the Grand Californian Hotel (I will post my complaint letter), everything was marvy. Chloe was very happy and didn't have one meltdown. I have enough nephews and nieces to appreciate a "no meltdown" trip.

Here's a couple of pics... and I'll post more after I get caught up.

and I forgot....

2008-03-01T09:21:00.000-08:00

A pretty cool website for Custom Granite Countertops.

I'm proud of the animation we did for that one. LOTS of work went in to something that simple.

Please enjoy.

Work Stuff

2008-02-28T14:59:00.001-08:00

One of the reasons (yes... there are reasons) I started blogging again was to help us "Brag" about the business. It's now officially been 1 year since Jenny and I decided to grow the business and be our own bosses.

I'm proud to say we haven't screwed it up. In fact, we have had many great achievements. We just signed a lease to move in to an office (no more pajama days), and we just hired our first full time employee.

We are in the process of upgrading all of our web hosting clients here in Las Vegas and around the world to a new fancy schmancy dedicated "green" server. That's green as in the environment... not the color.

Recently, we've launched some pretty cool websites;

Designer Tennis Bags

Fun, Flirty, and Classic Women's Fashions

Las Vegas Dentist #1

Las Vegas Dentist #2

Las Vegas Dentist #3

Las Vegas Lawyer

... and a bunch more. Our Las Vegas Website Design Clients page gives a pretty good tour of all the fun stuff we have done. Have a look, and tell us what you think.

We've also done some pretty good Search Engine Optimization work.

Overall, it's been fun... it's been good, and it's only getting better.

It gets better.....

2008-02-25T14:34:00.001-08:00

Reason I love vegas number 1907654.2

2008-02-25T10:53:00.000-08:00

Because the appropriate location for a Black velvet Elvis tribute is above the iced tea and catsup dispenser.... duh!

Interesting Signage

2008-02-22T15:46:00.001-08:00

While walking the baby the other day... this sign was found lying in the road.

I'm guessing this speaks VOLUMES about a particular neighbor... the mystery is which one.

A Reason I'm NOT voting for Hillary

2008-02-13T20:26:00.000-08:00

As tired as will i am is.... this "response" is just scary bad.

Even if she had nothing to do with it... still icky

and you wonder why I pick on the water wasting post office

2008-02-12T15:04:00.000-08:00

Read this - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23130256/

I miss band...

2008-02-11T03:54:00.000-08:00

Funny Escher humor.

2008-02-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

A Day in the Life of an MC Escher Drawing ``Dude, watch out for that banana peel.``

Pats Lose, eh.

2008-02-04T07:13:00.001-08:00

We killed them all year, and in fact beat the guys that beat us on their home turf. It's a damn shame that a team this good will be remembered for this one game.

Oh well... now they are even more like me... almost perfect.

AND - now that the Pats know you CAN catch the ball with your helmet, look out next year.

AND - this was all part of master stratergizer Bill Belicheck's plan to lull everyone into submission for next year... BRILLIANT!

AND - I'm not on suicide watch, but I know many others who should be.

AND - this means I can start betting again next year, and wearing my Brady Jersey and my paste on dimple.

Very Funny...

2008-02-02T06:42:00.000-08:00

OLD TRUCK IS ON FIRE!!!!

2008-01-29T07:26:00.000-08:00

I may just be me, but I'm starting to think all of this "flaming" is due to Obama not winning Nevada.

Now that Teddy and Caroline have come out with their endorsement, I guess it is time for mine.

I support Barrack Obama! I would like to see him be the next President of the US.

Not because of that fact that I said after his speech at the last DNC that he "would be the first Black President of the US".

Definitely not because Oprah endorsed him. That wasn't even enough to convince the Wife.

Certainly not because of his dancing skills.

Absolutely not because of the thought that just 2 families have controlled this nation for the last 20 years, or half my life. (apologies to Dick Cheney... you've been doing a great job.... Dick)

I will vote for Obama, because he does something I didn't think was possible. He makes me believe that we can all get along, and accomplish something better. Not only for ourselves, but for the world. Anyone who knows what a cynical asshole I am know that this is an accomplishment.

Here, endeth the lecture... and did I point out I predicted this 4 YEARS AGO.

Unrelated, but funny... this morning I was watching a CBS News story of cult like suicides in England. As they were interviewing this lady, she (accidentally) stated her opinion quite eloquently.

Ah.... the Brits. Gotta love 'em.

Zia Records is on FIRE!!!

2008-01-28T09:34:00.000-08:00

So we went to breakfast at the Cracked Egg yesterday, and the new record store in the strip mall decided to catch on fire. Providing plenty of entertainment. I case you are wondering how many Fire Trucks it takes to put out a fire in a used record store....

About 6. Granted Las Vegas is a wee bit "fire sensitive" this week, but do we really need all this protection for a bunch of New Kids on the Block CD's?

MONTE CARLO ON FIRE!

2008-01-25T18:25:00.000-08:00

Actually it was a new trick that Lance Burton was testing called the "Styrofoam Rooftop Fire Escape".

The trick was originally designed by Steve Wyrick and Dixie Dooley in a historic meeting of magical minds and scents.

The trick went awry when Montecore realized he was on top of a building and dropped the welder he was using to seduce chicks for David Copperfield.

**I know that story will be funny to very few of my readers, but gosh darn if I'm not laughing my ass off.

Chanel ate is at it again

2008-01-24T08:29:00.000-08:00

Gotta love these guys. Convetion traffic is always a scary and newsworthy topic.

Conan O'Brien

2008-01-19T10:06:00.000-08:00

A while back, he lost his "funny" so far as I was concerned. I love Craig Ferguson, and would much rather watch him in the late late hours. But, ever since Conan returned from the strike (and crossed the lines), his show has become a really bizarre and brilliant shindig.

Edith Bunker playing Rockband is very funny stuff.... Conan is funny again... and without writers.

Better version

2008-01-17T20:16:00.000-08:00

Let my pepple go

2008-01-16T07:29:00.000-08:00

I cried, but you need to make it through the Beegee's guy first.

Link to video, because its a nightmare to embed

2008-01-10T11:33:00.000-08:00

http://blip.tv/file/520347?filename=Deanopp-NEWBUSHCOINS434.flv

Post Office Update - Part Whatever and other observations

2008-01-10T08:12:00.000-08:00

I really do think the Post Office has figured out my M.O. Here is more evidence.

When I snapped the shot above of the soaked sidewalk in front of the water wasting post office, there was a Post Office Janitor outside who immediately got on his cell phone.

How does a Post Office Janitor afford a cellphone? Isn't that job one step up from High School Janitor on the Janitor Food Chain.

I am convinced they know that I am monitoring their activities.

I may need to adopt more covert tactics in order to obtain justice, but trsust me when I say, I will not rest until the water wasting is over!

Unrelated - My buddies at local TV Channel 8 KLAS are at it again:

I wonder if Daniel Day-Lewis knows he's up for the Beset award. I've always thought of his performances as aggressive, and it's nice to see that he is being recognized. I also thought he had more hair....

Water Wasting Post Office part 3

2008-01-08T14:24:00.001-08:00

Not damning evidence. We have had rain this week. But I do have to say it looks awfully suspicious.

On a related note, I had a mailman park VERY close to me the other day.

Conspiracy?

It's Christmas everyday

2008-01-07T06:49:00.000-08:00

Took the tree down this weekend...

This is why you shouldn't leave it up all year.

Ahhhhh... beauty queens.

Ahhhhh conversation!

2008-01-04T15:28:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd share this conversation I had with my good friend Erin (EGE). She is a prolific blogger... and a damn good writer. We had a quick convo about my Hip Hop Harry post... enjoy.

EGE - Oh christ, Hip Hop Harry is the scariest effing thing going!

ME - That wasn’t even the song I saw… the one I saw was about the colors of the rainbow, and how they make the fly name ROY G BIV. I wish I did drugs… cause this woulda been cool stoned.

EGE - All I know from Hip Hop Harry is what I see on The Soup some weeks. Scary. Scary-scary. Scary.

ME - Wow… didn’t realize I was late to the game. It’s also very brilliant… Sesame Street for the thug nation… and I’ll never forget the colors of the rainbow (in order).

EGE - Sesame Street for Thug Nation is also a scary thought.

But somehow The Soup has become one of my favorite shows. I get to see all the assy crap and make fun of it, without having to actually watch it in person. And of course there is the assy crap I actually DO watch, which is also fun to make fun of. Plus they sometimes do things like Hip Hop Harry, or Oprah, that it would never even occur to me to watch. Oddly, I have yet to see them make fun of my Dirty Boy. I think it's because he is so universally hunk-o-rific.

ME - Dirty Boy is trendy-obscure, ergo he misses their barbs. I haven’t watched The Soup in years, but I imagine it hasn’t changed so much. I was blown away by the giant thing in the Kangol cap… at that time in the morning, all I expect to see is infomercials and soft-core porn. Best of all… it was in HD.

EGE - Wait a second, TRENDY-obscure? So I'm trendy now? Sorry, but if you were a chick you would want that man. You, however, as a dude, probably want Chelsea Handler...

ME - Too Kathy Lee looking for me.

EGE - Ooh, ick. You're right. Sorry!

ME - Lately I’m way more a Judy Greer.

EGE - Seriously, had to google to find out who that was. But now that I've seen her face I know. So can I count you among the Tina Fey faithful?

ME - OH… I’ve been a “Fey-natic” far before she became trendy-obscure. Kinda sux that other people like her now.

EGE - Okay, so define what you mean by "trendy-obscure"

ME - “trendy-obscure” - popular by not being popular enough to be unpopular. Basically, cool before the inevitable backlash (Pregnancy, DUI, or naked bongo playing episode). It’s a pop-culture phenomenon.

EGE - Ah. So it's like, if you like something, and you're proud of yourself for liking it because it's smart and you feel like you've discovered something, then you can congratulate yourself, and then count the days until you're embarrassed to admit you've liked it all along. Have you seen "Pushing Daisies"?

ME - Yes and Yes… I get scared when I watch Pushing Daisies because I’m afraid he’s gonna bump into her, and she’s gonna croak… and because of that reason it brings up PAINFUL personal “love life” memories.

EGE - I feel SO proud of them for making that show, and proud of me for loving it, and so validated for all the cool folks who keep showing up on it. It's like all the weird-ass pop-kitsch crap that I have ever loved, all rolled into one. But I don't know how they can keep it up. Especially with the strike and everything.

ME - The strike will be the bane of my existence. I’m addicted to reality TV (but only of the network variety), and this will just mean more and more reality. I can’t keep up! Unfortunately, I think that the Network TV climate isn’t nurturing enough to let a show like that grow. I hate getting wrapped up in a show and then watching it die, because not enough of the right demographic watched it. Speaking of demographic, did I tell you about the time I got rejected to go to an Adam Sandler screening because I was too old? I told the lady she could take his Menorah and shove it in her Hora? Is that politically incorrect?

EGE - You didn't really say that. Did you? Okay, not that you asked, but my favorite shows of the past decade or so: Buffy, Gilmore, West Wing. But, because I'm a big fat writer-snob, I feel the need to point out that I quit on WW after season 4 when Aaron Sorkin left, and I quit on the Gils for the last season when Sherman-Palladino left.

Nope.... I didn't say that but I thought that. I love Erin and her Blog is great fun... Go read it - http://thehouseandi.blogspot.com/

For the record she did approve of my appropriation of the conversation, and oh what a conversation that was..... just look at the labels below. not many people can squeeze that into a conversation.

Daddy, Why are you blowing Dora?

2008-01-03T07:59:00.000-08:00

It was a post Christmas Gift, and not only did it require assembly... it required me to blow it up with the very air that I breathe. That's reason enough to buy a pump.

The pump provided the exact reverse effect than intended. It sucked. I should have known better after reading the instructions.

Learning how to "seal tyhe internal yellow stopper" can be difficult. In fact, anything involving seal is challenging. Can you explain Hiedi Klum?

The pump was retired and I did it the old fashioned way - I blew Dora in the Ball Pit!

I'm still dizzy.

**On a side note, a couple of folks went looking for my Cooking Show. I'm sorry and shouldn't have exposed anyone to my prematureyoutubeulation. I promise I'll make a big deal about it once the neighbor and I get off our butts and do it.

Lost Value

2008-01-02T17:43:00.000-08:00

Don't watch it... tried and gave up. But... is it just me or does the bald guy from lost look like Phil Collins. Maybe this whole thing is just an elaborate explanation of Sussudio...hmmmmm....

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T07:37:00.000-08:00

Welcome to 2008!

The year of Political Turmoil, $4 Gas, and a new YouTube Cooking Show featuring my Neighbor and I.

Thanks for all the fish!

Why we had a stinky Christmas

2007-12-26T14:07:00.001-08:00

We say the same thing about my Brother in Law....

Pretty Darn Clever

2007-12-26T08:53:00.000-08:00

My gift... Once

2007-12-24T09:34:00.000-08:00

Jenny isn't good at buying DVD's. For some reason she always makes the strangest DVD purchase choices. "Monsters Ball" was my favorite. Because, if I want to see Halle Berry get pounded by Billy Bob Thorton, it's always nice to know it is within arms reach.

That is an extreme example, but it is typical. For the record, owning DVD's seems silly to me. There are very few movies I would want to see more than once, and even those movies have fallen off my "desire" radar.

Imagine my shock when Jenny returned with a DVD called "Once".

I had heard of the movie, and in fact it was buried on the Netflix list. It's about and Irish Busker and a Chech Chick who plays a piano but doesn't own one.

We watched it a couple of nights ago, and I've been on Cloud Nine ever since. To quote the Irish... "What a foking good movie!"

It would be pointless for me to tell you what it is about, because it's really quite a simple plot. If I tried to explain it I'd just be doing it a disservice.

In fact, after I saw it I bought the soundtrack and a CD from Glen Hansard (the star guy) on itunes. Likely, I will buy more. It's just my way of telling the filmmakers how much I liked the movie.

This is what I ask of anyone who reads this: Buy it or rent it, borrow it or steal it. Watch it, and I'll see you on my cloud. It's just that good.

Why I Love Las Vegas Reason #432

2007-12-23T11:02:00.000-08:00

This little gem of a Sushi House is a good 20 miles away from the Strip. The only explanation for it's glitziness is that it was once a 50's themed diner. I think the real conversion from diner to Sushi House occurred when they added the reindeer to the roof, and icicle lights on the tents... oh yum yum sauce.

There is no real way to explain the sheer tackiness of this joint, but sometimes joy comes in unexpected places. Only one thing could make it better, and that's a fun menu filled with Santa's Sushi Treats!

Post Office Water War Part Deux

2007-12-22T07:45:00.000-08:00

Because I promised, and because I go there 3 times a week... here is the update on the Post Office and their water wasting ways.

While I did not witness the "water feature" previously mentioned, I did witness this slice of evidence. Which to me is a smoking gun, or water pistol...

The gutter is filled with a liquidy substance that looks like water. The trail led out of the parking lot, and deep into the street.

I know the Post Office has more important things during the holiday season to deal with than faulty drip lines, but it seems like such a simple thing.

I doubt that I'm the only person who has noticed. This PO is a hub, so hundreds of trucks leave their parking lot daily.

I'm just disappointed that the Spirit of Christmas does not translate to responsible governmental water usage. Bah Humbug!

Water Wasting Post Office

2007-12-20T10:01:00.000-08:00

Las Vegas is a Desert. Las Vegas is growing faster than Google's bank account... well, maybe not, but you get the analogy. We are in a drought of epic proportions.

Why the lecturing? Our local post office has added a new water feature to their garden.

Sad part is... that wasn't the only broken one. We'll check back in a few days and see if they've fixed it. Otherwise, I'm gonna go all Al Gore on their asses.

Benefits of not being able to sleep...

2007-12-19T10:09:00.001-08:00

Sometimes you are blessed with this little 3am treat....

http://www.hiphopharry.com/tvggw.htm

Sometimes being a Dad is very scary.

Awwwww, yet another parenting first

2007-12-12T16:27:00.001-08:00

Our first recall...

Almost turned them into Dog Toys, but thought better of that.

The accompanying instructions for replacing the offensive parts were LONGER than the original instructions to put the "Fisher Price Happy Sunshine We Won't Kill Your Child Kitchen".

The thing that I thought was really cool is that the "fix-it" package came with a special extraction tool.

Got me to thinking. Does Fisher Price manufacture the extraction tool, or is there a company out there that makes them called "Haha... you screwed up, LLC"?

Shocks me that we went an entire year without a recall. It's sad that her "feature" gift for her 1st Birthday was the defective one, but now it's fixed and she can make me all the plastic eggs she wants. Don't tell her that they are really dry.

Sunday (re) hashbrowns

2007-12-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

Stephco recently suggested that I was a blogger before there was blogging, and she may have a point. I don't know if I necessarily would call my past efforts blogging. They certainly were somewhat consistent postings, and they did gather a small following of loyal readers, but to call me a "blogging forefather" is like calling W a "peace merchant".

Alas, the thought did get me to thunking. So the post today (and on future Sundays) will be a blast from the past. Some still make me laugh, and maybe they will make you laugh as well.

Today, I bring you the HULKINATOR -

Don’t get angry very often, and I don’t do it very well. Trying to practice a practical method of negative energy release has been a project of mine for quite some time. This could be why I was attracted to the new “Hulk” movie.

The “Hulk” gets big and green when he turns angry. He also hurts things. He looks like Kermit the Frog on anabolic steroids. The movie is directed by the same guy who did “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”, and I figured that this alone was enough to make it worthwhile. At worst, I was in for “Crouching Sam Elliot Mustache, Hidden Nick Nolte Hairdresser”.

The Theater was appropriately packed. Dads were with sons, Mothers were surely dragged by sons. Wives and Girlfriends who lost a bet with their significant others were scattered amongst the mostly packed house. There were Gaggles of guys who have never had a significant other, and then there was me. I was alone, perplexed, tired and emotionally raw. I felt like a fine chopped salad, tastily combined but frighteningly scrambled.

I plopped in the front of the theater. A Father and Son sat behind me. The kid was chatty, and I was reminded why I like to see movies in the afternoon. Usually, there’s hardly anyone there, and you get your space as well as the discount. I did not take into account that this was an Afternoon movie about a COMIC BOOK HERO. This theory works for Independent Foreign Lesbian movies, but not for movies about Superheroes. Oh well, proverbial bed was made.

The movie started, and the kid behind me kept chatting. The commentary was quite interesting.

“Daddy, does he get mad if he runs out of toilet paper like mommy does?”

“Daddy, how does his underwear get bigger when he gets mad? Is his underwear mad too?”

And my favorite, “Daddy, why is his butt on the screen?”

Daddy didn’t have very many good answers, but the surprising part was that I had the same questions the kid did.

I started to think, if he doesn’t get angry soon, I’m going to get pissed. It must be a full hour before they finally show the big green guy. I dozed off about two or three times during the movie, only to be awoken by my little pal behind me asking absurd questions.

“Daddy, if he kisses the girl and she says she doesn’t like that, will he get mad and throw her around like he threw the Tank around?”

Part of my motivation for seeing this movie was to see an old friends name in the credits. I think he was in charge of purple Lycra underwear acquisition. I sat through the entire ten minutes of the credits and there was nary a sign of his name. Alas, the “Hulk” was a good nap foiled, but at least Lou Ferrigno is working again.

The next day, I did something to test my own anger management system. I never realized that being bald was harder than having a receding hairline. It is… but damn if I don’t look all Mr. Clean sexy. Hoop earring here I come. The image overhaul was long overdue, and involves vegetarianism, baldness, a committed workout regimen, and a soul patch. Funny how the bald part is the most difficult for a former carnivore like me, but it is.

Shaving your head every day is a difficult task, mostly because the bulk of the part you are shaving is behind your eyes. It is hard to shave that which you cannot see, and even harder to manage the dexterity involved in said shaving. It is easy to scratch the back of your noggin, but try taking a sharp implement and scraping it across the most precious of body parts (the one they can’t replace). Not easy, and exceedingly dangerous.

Sure enough, I have endured my share of chipped skin since the initial shaving. The morning after the “Hulk” was of no exception. I made a nice little cut on the right front of my head. Jokingly, I looked in the mirror waiting for myself to turn green. I didn’t. Reaching down, I grabbed a sheet of toilet paper and affixed it to the lightly oozing blood. That’s what men do. The rest of my preparedness went as normal. I didn’t choke myself with my tie, and I didn’t step in dog crap.

Driving to get my morning cup of Starbucks is a joy that cannot be replicated in any way, means, shape, or form. Not because the roasted bean is so irresistible, but because of the Starbucks Girls.

I have had my fair share of crushes, but none has ever been as consistent as that of the Starbucks Girl. Every Coffee joint I’ve been to has at least one. She is a divine angel of caffeine procreation. There is no understanding it, and I’ve learned to live with it. Fleeting and temporary, I’ve only acted on it once, and it was a disaster. Therefore, I enjoy from afar.

The doors to the Starbucks floated open like the pearly gates. Not one or two, but three Starbucks angels stood behind the counter aglow and atwitter. It was just me and the three angels of java alone in the house of the holy bean. I strolled my puffy chested bald self up to the counter. The angels gazed upon me with bemused smiles of undefined origin.

“Venti drip, driving room,” I ordered. I speak their language… the language of the Starbucks girl… the international language of love. Doubt me; buy a Carmel Frappucino for a woman. You’ll see.

They smiled. They served. I left confident that I had made an impression upon them.

Arriving at work, I walked to the mirrored door of the office. I now realized what the bemused smiles of undefined origin were for. The slab of toilet paper was still firmly affixed to my cranium. I removed it and looked at it in its Japanese Flag glory. Angry, I looked into the mirrored door. Wasn’t green, but there was a tinge of red in my cheeks. Lucky me, I’m sure that the purple Lycra underwear wouldn’t fit the new image.

“Daddy… why does that man have toilet paper on his head?”

To griswold or to not griswold

2007-12-08T07:10:00.000-08:00

The front of our house is appropriately decorated with an assortment of non-syncronous lights, but somehow I feel like I need more.

I call it the "Griswold". The inner Chevy Chase demon that eats at me during the holidays. If I can make it past today without buying more lights... then I have done good.

Damn